Episode 116: Medieval Death Bot Meets World



With nothing left to lose in the world in the wake of the midterm elections, John and Henry travel back in time to meet their maker. Several hundred times. Cause when you’re an immortal time traveling duo of know-nothings, there’s nothing like the soothing feeling of being stabbed and overpowered by three other men in the dusty, disgusting alleys of middle age England. Or wherever the Dark Ages happened. Price of knife, 1 shilling. Henry then drinks way too much Andy Gator and tries to ruin everything John has planned. And succeeds? Hm. Who is to say? You should find out. By listening. To the episode.


Episode 115: Drunk Midterms Live-ish



Spoiler alert, we get political.

It’s election night in America and Henry and John are champing at the bit to spit their particular political opinions all over your ears. Yeah, it’s gross. This is politics. It tends to get gross. Nothing is held back. Political parties are dropped into pits. Politicians are dragged across the coals. Candidates are lifted up the mountain to be dropped off the other side. Voting is the real battlefield and the war zone is littered with the corpses of democracy. And at the center of this is a healthy serving of “fuck Ted Cruz” dished up by your local artisan rant-chef John. The boys are drinkin’ and thinkin’ and the Zeitgeist is a horrible demon to have on your shoulder when politics rolls around.

But fear not, my child-fams. There is a shining beacon of hope in all this darkness. Shrek is getting rebooted. And there’s nothing more pure in the world than an ogre voiced by Mike Myers.


Episode 114: Frightentimes 2: Finale: Ted the Caver



Have you ever wanted to willingly put yourself in a space so small that all you can do is wiggle your shoulders to move forward? Have you ever wanted to be in a situation where squeezing through a small space is the only way to explore where you’re going, knowing that to get back you’ll have to squeeze through that same small passage? Feel like risking your life for the sake of seeing something not many get to see personally because if something goes wrong you may die over the course of days, alone in the dark, as you slowly starve to death?

What am I saying, OF COURSE YOU DO. Caving is such a fun activity that it’s now mandatory. Hop in a cave, break your legs, and slowly lose your humanity to the darkness within. Who knows what you’ll crawl out as. A demons? A bats? Some rock? It’s all a mystery to us, but soon you’ll know pretty much gosh darn fucking everything there is to know about the dangers of just standing in a cave. Not even walking. Just standing in a cave could kill you. It’s dangerous to go alone, and watch your step cause that’s just a 30 foot drop in the floor for no reason and you have to jump over it to go further. Yeah, it’s just there. Sheer drop, 30 feet. Probably spikes at the bottom too cause why wouldn’t there be?

Caves. They’ll murder you without a second thought.

 

Music:
Unseen Horrors, Welcome to HorrorLand
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


Episode 113: Frightentimes 2 Part 4: BURN WATER NOTICE



This week on Zero Credit(s)–THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE CENTRAL AUTHORITY. PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT FOR THE DURATION OF THE EVENT, ALL RESIDENTS ARE TO BURN THEIR WATER BEFORE DRINKING, COOKING, EXISTING, OR RUBBING IT ALL OVER THEIR SKIN. AS SOON AS THE WATER LEAVES THE FAUCET, IT NEEDS TO BE BURNED IMMEDIATELY OR ELSE. REPEAT. ALL RESIDENTS ARE TO BURN THEIR WATER. THERE WILL BE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS ADVISEMENT. STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES TO THE CURRENT SITUATION, BUT BE ADVISED THAT OFFICIALS DO NOT SEE THIS EVER ENDING. WE RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING–puddles and puddles of blood and guts and viscera. Ugh, so gross. But it’s all here, for you fams! Enjoy!

Music:

Shadowlands 2 – Bridge, Welcome to HorrorLand
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


Episode 112: Frightentimes 2: Part 3: Mass Rituals



WE’RE HALFWAY THROUGH THESE DREADFUL TIMES
BUT HOW WILL YOU PAY FOR ALL YOUR CRIMES?

CAN YOU FOLLOW THE PHANTOM THREAD?
STARRING DANIEL DAY LEWIS AND VICKY KRIEPS?

IT’S TOO SLOW FOR ME, BUT THAT’S JUST MY PERSONAL TASTE
NOT ENOUGH ACTION, TOO MUCH DRAMA IN YOUR FACE.

ANYWAY, IT’S TIME AGAIN FOR FRIGHT AND FEAR.
BELIEVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU HEAR.
IT’S REAL.

Music:
Shadowlands 2 – Bridge, Welcome to HorrorLand
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0//


Episode 111: Frightentimes 2: Part 2: Brought to You by the Dark Entry Forest Association



Week 2 of the Frightentimes is here /
The end of all things is near /

What awaits us at the end /
of life and death /
of foe and friend /

Urban legends get just a bit creepier this week as we dive into Dudley Town, the Georgia Guidestones, and The Death Comet.


Episode 110: Frightentimes 2: Part I: A Perfectly Normal Episode



Darkness. Deeper and deeper. In the dream you can never close your eyes, you always have to see it. Everything you’ve done thus far has lead to this, regrettably. You knew it was out there, you had the opportunity to do something, but you always shut your eyes to the only truth. The long-fingered hands followed your shadows and nerves from every room, backwards up the stairs. You knew that all you had to do was look, but you didn’t want to admit you were choosing the illusion. All of your friends were in on it, they had all seen us, and they were playing with you. Our wages echo in the weight of your false innocence, and now you’re home. You spent your life reading the lines, never between them, and now we’re going to show you the real music. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

 

Music:

Unseen Horrors, Welcome to HorrorLand Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


Episode 109: Bonebone & Peachode



We’re back to normal, folks, in this the first of many perfectly normal episodes, I, the description writer Clara, do declare. The boys have a lot of catching up to do, Zeitgeist-wise, but not a lot of time due to budgeting errors and overlong coverage of America’s favorite movie series of the past 8 weeks. So it’s a shorter episode and we hope you forgive us. Video games are a-buzzing as the internet adapts one of their time-honored traditions of turning everything into sexier versions of itself to the time-honored Nintendo franchise of Mario. Yes, Bowsette is here to ruin the art of the internet and only Mario can stop it, much to Peach’s chagrin. Also we get political. A tiny bit. Like a small amount. A mushroom shaped amount. The boys then swing into Spider-Man (DON’T FORGET THAT HYPHEN. -John) as Marvel, Sony, and Insomniac combined forces to deliver one of the most fun video games of the current year. And then time’s up. Watch out! Here comes the Zero Credit(s) podcast, now on Spotify!

Man, how time flies. In a month, I will have been here for exactly one year. Crazy crazy times. Well, see you next week!


Supplemental Reading: Fate of the Furious



In 2017, a series had a vision. To bring an end to everything it had been building for the past 16 years. That series was the Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe and this is that end. With a new director in F. Gary Gray and the same ole Chris Morgan blood pumping through its veins, this movie sought to be what no other FFCU movie could be. Somewhat decent. We’ve seen the highs, the lows, and the lower lows, but for the first time we experience the upper middle. Characters emote more than they ever have before. Enemies become quipping, babysitting friends. And Roman fulfills his destiny. All of these moments and more, we discuss in this Supplemental Reading as we bid the FFCU adieu.

Until next time, friends. See you in 2019.

Music

Summon the Rawk Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/


Supplemental Reading: Furious 7



In 2015, Justin Lin had a dream, to direct other movies. So another man stepped up to fill the void he left. That man was James Wan. Famed director of the Saw series and The Conjuring. A veteran of horror movies joined the FFCU to create a monster of a movie with a plot so convoluted, you might as well saw off your foot to get free from it. All your favorite names appear in the opening credits, just to get cameo treatments as this movie has little to do with them. Oh and don’t even get me started on the camera work, the lack of finesse in cutting between cuts, and the overall botched dialogue. Look, it’s a rough ride. But there are some redeeming qualities. I won’t spoil them here. Or anywhere else. Just listen and watch or watch and listen. You’ll see/hear for yourself.

Music:

Summon the Rawk Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/