Monthly Archives: March 2018

Episode 94: Facebook on Trial II: Killer Beeze



INT. SILICON VALLEY GYM

Jeff Bezos is deadlifting, like, 1,000 kilograms. He pauses at the top of the movement, tension and power radiating through his tight nerd body. Overhead, the gym’s Toshiba flatscreen TVs show footage of empty subways. Close-up on graffiti that reads: “DOWN WITH THE TRANSHUMAN DATA CLOUD -BANKSY”

BEZOS (grunting tautly) The words of the prophets were truly written on the subway walls. Bezos slams the bar down, just as his faithful servant Hecubus enters holding a phone on a plate or whatever.

HECUBUS Master, it’s for you. Bezos picks up the phone. The caller is indistinct.

BEZOS So you’re saying I’ve been invited to a martial arts tournament to decide the fate of humanity? So you’re saying it’s going to be my only chance to meet the man behind all this and show him the power of my human muscles? So you’re saying his name is Mark Zuckerberg, my enemy of a long time? Well I’ve got one thing to say to that, Mark. The rolling garage door thing behind Bezos opens, bathing his slick and bulging body with the glorious rays of a Silicon Valley sunrise. Outside, a Kawasaki Ninja (which the audience is meant to assume belongs to Bezos) is loudly idling, its masterfully designed mechanical frame mirroring the trapped ferocity of Bezos’ own sculpted leanness.

BEZOS Let the games begin


Episode 93: Deep Dives into Dark Times



Gone are the lighthearted days of Black Panther and snippets of longer conversations about Monster Hunter. They have been replaced by a general anxiety of a (at the time) at large serial bomber terrorizing the city of Austin. Curtain aside, we recorded a segment on the Austin bombings on Tuesday and said bomber was apprehended (so to speak) in the early morning hours of Wednesday. We decided to still run the segment as a “moment out of time” sort of look at what living in a terrorized city feels like. Okay, curtain back, Facebook is heavily involved in Russian data-buying schemes, so delete your Facebook (app) and revel in these crazy often Russian tampered times. How do we be happy in these crazy times? Let’s listen to two somewhat depressed people who read about philosophy as a means of trying to find meaning in their lives try to make sense of happiness and these crazy times. That’s… a mouthful… but isn’t that what Zero Credit(s) is all about? Isn’t it? Someone tell me.


Episode 92: Shmaylights Shmaving Shmime



It’s that time of year, folks. Flowers start to bloom. Birds unearth themselves from their underground nap. And most US citizens suffer from the mass delusion that physically moving time forward an hour is worth it because…??? Seriously, name one legitimate benefit from moving the clocks ahead an hour. My mom used to say it was for after school activities, so that there’d be light out for football practice, etc., but school let out at 2:25 pm so that never made sense and neither did she. I think it’s the highest time to stop falling for this social experiment of a garbage fire and abolish Daylight Saving Time.

Also discussed: South by Southwest, Musical Paradoxes in Movies, and Advice on Not Seeking Happiness. But seriously, it’s mostly the DST thing. Also a note, the episode is about twenty minutes shorter due to last week’s monster of an episode. Equivalent exchange and all.


Episode 91: The Second Annual Academy Awards Episode Featuring the 90th Annual Academy Awards



We’re out here on the digital red carpet, talking to all the stars as they upload their consciousnesses to the Hollywood Theater Chatroom. We’ve downloaded it all. The Shape of Water, Call Me By Your Name, Ladybird, Dunkrik, others, I’m sure. John and Henry are ex-cite-d to say the least about these 90th Annual Academy Awards and boy is this episode long. Every award is discussed. Each one. Even the technical awards. Because every award matters and skipping commentary on even one of these prestigious awards is a cardinal sin against the house that Chaplin built. Who wins? Who goes home in shame, never to be heard from again until their inevitable next nomination? Who will we see in at least two more movies after their win, as ordained in the Academy Winners Contract? We’ve got the tips. We’ve got the tricks. Everything is here and we don’t have a bit or byte to spare. Let’s blow our budget, it’s Zero Credit(s)!


Supplemental Reading: Black Panther



You’ve experienced the hype, you’ve read the articles, you’ve heard the word of the mouth, but could you possibly be prepared to hear two middle-class white guys talk about BLACK PANTHER? I THINK NOT!! But please do, please dear God, listen to this podcast. We need this like T’Challa needs vibranium. You’ve seem the movie, right? That’s what this is about. The movie Black Panther. Don’t know if we covered that. Spoilers. Join the boys as they uncover their true feelings about the movie in real time. You might be surprised what you learn. Shrink ’em!