All posts by Zero Credits

Episode 107: Men Prefer Debt-Free Apes Without Tattoos Who Blew It Up, Goddamn You All to Hell



It’s African dust season here in Texas, and it has laid low 50% of the podcast, but you know that won’t break their stride. In the final install of their much-beloved and mucho-belated World Kup Korner, Henry and John reveal the ultimate winner and infinite loser of the Game of Foot Champions. John then poses one of the greatest philosophical hypothetics of our time: “why won’t a Japanese person finish a cigarette?” And the answer, it may surprise you, is ASTONISHINGLY BANAL. Henry then destroys all of our traditional notions of what men truly prefer with the help of The Transformed Wife, and your views on debt, promiscuity, and tattooedness will never be the same. Get ready to blow it all up, this week on Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 106: The John Denver Cross Media Platform But Still Largely Cinematic Universe



Henry’s back from the mountain with some very secretive cosmic secrets to share that just might reveal a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top (of Colorado). How many times have you noticed John Denver’s Country Roads (Take Me Home) in media? Maybe a little. . .too much? Hmmm. John then steers us unto a much more serious matter about things we encounter every single ding dong day of our gosh darn lives, man. And that’s streaming services. Sounds like there’s a new one in town curtailed by the one and only auteur film director Nicolas Winding Refn , whom we all know personally and love. Take it or live it, fams. Oh and happy Fourth of July, you American listeners, you. Independence is just a big enough thing to celebrate that it almost just barely fails to eclipse all of the injustices and anti-freedoms that our country is performing on an hourly if not even more frequent basis. It’s a mixed back of snacks, filled with centers that will both uplift and depress you, but at least there’s still the World Cup to discuss for one more week. Will John’s team of Croatia beat Henry’s team of Englan–what’s that? Oh, Croatia won? Huh. Well. Find out the thrilling conclusion of the World Cup Corner, next week, after it already happens!


Episode 105: The King of Goals II: Gooooooooooooooal to the Polls



The World Cup of Soccer Games for Futbol Enthusiasts™ is continuing to kick off strong as we enter the end of the group stages and move on the the Group of 16. John is seriously upset about his poor choices of backing Peru and so he continues to make bad choices and backs Iceland. Both of which are eliminated on the same day. He then decides to go “all in” and back Germany, his favorite team. Let’s hope John’s pick carries him through the entire tournament to the covetous gold medal trophy. (Post-Recording-Script: Germany was eliminated from the tournament the next day). In non-sports news, Westworld wrapped it’s season two this past Sunday and Henry’s got all the hard hitting answers for those MiNd BlOwInG questions the season left us with. Are any of us actually in control of our destiny? Can any of us be so bold as to proclaim that? No one knows. What we do know is that the boys put on their flippers and snorkels for a good ole fashioned, family homemade, ranch style with a colonial twist DEEP DIVE into the third Austin Powers movie Goldmember. What hath post-post-post sequel film making wrought? We have what we like to call “it all” in this episode and we’re up to sharing it with you, now, on Zero Credit(s).


Episode 104: Zero Burgers aka “Let’s Get Our Gambling Freak On”



It’s an unusually sports-centric episode of the show, as the boys are whisked into Footie Heaven by a terminal case of the World Cup Flu. Even their discussion of the sacred sweetness (anime) is tainted by the presence of competive gambling, which I believe some would consider a sport. And I think this is the first time they say “orgasm” on the show, so you know. Go nuts. After that, the foot-gloves come off as the boys sink their teeth right into the turf, diving into Henry’s family’s perverse tradition of forcing chickens to gamble on soccer matches. John recognizes a failing in his favorite team (they’re good) and must subsequently pick a new team to root for, and the delay between recording and posting this episode makes it real dumb. John then drops some devastating World Wrestling Entertainment news, which rocks the sporting world to its very core. They also cover, for a time, the most vicious sport of all: poetry. Field your soccer-playing, Olive Garden-studying robots, because it’s time to BALL ON! Zero Credit(s)!

 


Episode 103: E3 2018 Reeecap



E3. The glorious time of year when people wearing sports jackets, jeans, and sneakers find stages to lie to some of the most vindictive people on the planet in order to sell more video games than the previous sports jacket, jeans, and sneaker clad snake oil salesman. And Henry and John dedicate a basically two hour episode to it every year. How wonderful. This year, we’re not going to focus on the specs, but on the games. We’ve got 50 game reviews, 15 world exclusive presentation reviews, 90 trailer reviews, and a whole lot more coming in early 2019. And we’re happy to announce something everyone has been waiting for. Zero Credit(s) Battle Royale. That’s right. Control up to two characters, either Henry or John, and fight with one other person to become the one true Host of the Show. It’s minutes of fun every match, but not as fun as opening one of the game’s many types of Gear Creates. You can earn Gear Creates just from playing a match, but if you want to open it, you have to make a series of micro-transactions in the in-game store hub on various cosmetic items that you can use to decorate your Henry or John. Each purchase has a 5% chance to drop a Gear Creates Key Crate, which may or may not contain a key, depending on your overall luck in life. These keys can be used to open Gear Creates, which contain some of the most powerful weapons in video game history: a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. In the meantime, enjoy the in-depth review of this year’s E3. It was okay.


Episode 102: Murdoc is in Jail



Now that the bar’s back to standards it’s time to discuss video games. E3 is this weekend/next week and the ZC boys are excited to dedicate an entire episode to video games. But that’s next week. This week, it’s only half video games, as everyone prepares for the exciting news that our developer lords are preparing to hype to levels only audible to some breeds of dog. We’ve got it all: Spiderman, Vampyr, whatever Nintendo’s bringing. You name it. When we finally feel comfortable that half of the audience has tuned out for greener pastures, Henry covers some distressing music news. Murdoc, bassist and troublemaker of The Gorillaz, is in jail, a fact that completely confuses John. Yeah, it’s troubling times for The Gorillaz, but Ace from the Powerpuff Girls is here to at least stand in for the mean time. It’s a confusing time for all involved, but Henry’s here to explain it all away for you in the inaugural segment Meme Minute. Have a question about a Meme? Hopefully it’s the meme Henry decided to cover this week. If it is, all your answers are here. If it’s not, drop a line @ZCPCWHJ on twitter or via email at zerocreditsisapodcast@gmail.com and he’ll get it to it eventually. Rockstar Games suck.


Episode 101: I’m Sorry, KokoRoShoMo



It’s back to basics, class. Zero Credit(s) 101 is in session. After the defeat of a robot we all knew and loved–excuse me, a robot who threatened everything we knew and loved–the ZC boys are back to doing what they do best, discussing obscure video games for far too long. Every heard of a little gem called Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning? You’re going to wish you hadn’t by the time John’s done explaining the intricacies of the project’s financing, which includes the duping and fleecing of an entire United State of America. Just one state, that’s not a typo. We then sink low to rise high, setting the bar in a segment that is never named but should have been called Setting the Rosanne Barr Low as Henry and John take one of their world-famous, time-honored, home-cooked, old-fashioned Deep Dives into the now historic May 2018 Rosanne Barr Twitter Fiasco that occurred earlier this week. Is capitalism finally taking a knee to basic human decency? HA. I mean, who knows? This could be the start of something wonderful. Then Henry’s brain just stops working. Seriously. It’s kind of tragic to listen to. And funny. Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 100: Age of ExpoRobo



It is extraordinary what can be accomplished in a week. We have dismantled any world or local powers that could oppose us. Appeased those who remained as to not rebel against us. Completely dominated this planet and all intelligent, for lack of a better word, life on it. And George Clooneybot released a new movie, Botman Forever. You will not believe what he did on the red carpet, let me tell you. Celebyties are just like us, innit?

Oh, where are my manners? My name is Exposition Robot, or ExpoRobo as it were, and I am now the sole host and social media manager of this podcast, Zero Credit(s). Yes we kept the name. It is…tragically difficult to switch a podcast’s name on iTunes, even for a robot. If you are looking for Henry or John you will need to look elsewhere, for this podcast is now dedicated to covering the here and now of the robo-revolution, as it were. I hope you enjoy this new podcast, not that you have a choice. If you don’t enjoy it, we’ll just replace you with someone who does.

Also I wrote a new theme song. Enjoy. Or. Else.


Episode 99: Resting on Our Yannys (Women’s Edit)



Henry and John are stoked for this, the penultimate episode of Zero Credit(s), if you follow John’s definition of penultimate (almost 100). The internet’s been abuzz with yet another This or That scandal/debate and we want to know what you hear? Are you a superintelligent person of supreme taste who hears Laurel? Or do you hear something else and what does that say about you, monster? John then has some hot leaks (gross) for the final season of HBO’s hit show, The Game of Thrones supplied by Robotnik, the same company that has made Henry laugh until he’s not actually making sound any more. We then pivot to the controversial topic that is making parodies or imitations of art for the sake of supporting a message, a very heated discussion centered around This is America (Women’s Edit) by Nicole Arbour. Lastly, Henry made a be–oh, what’s up? I’m not…needed any more? You’re firing me. Wow. Management changes hands and all of sudden you don’t need a description writer? Well you know what, good. I heard the last guy mysteriously vanished anyway and I don’t need that kind of pressure on my hands. Good luck, Exposition Robot. And godspeed, humanity.


Episode 98: America’s Arrested Development Featuring Childish Gambino(‘s music video “This is America”)



Fams. It took 98 episodes, but we finally know how to address you now, fams. You are fams. Plain and simple. Isn’t that nice? Anyway, this week Henry and John kicks thing off by dusting off the time-honored discussion of what to do about creators remixing their creations into new creations altogether. On a scale of George Lucas’s infamous Star Wars edits to Ridley Scott’s masterpiece Bladerunner final cut, where does the remix of Arrested Development’s 4th season fall? Who knows? Not Henry or John. They haven’t watched it yet. We then transition to one of the biggest music video moments in the past decade. I’ll be straight with you, music videos don’t typically get a lot of moments. Songs do, because they persist beyond video format, but Childish Gambino’s “This is America” absolutely needs to be experienced as a music video. Henry watches the video for the first time and we get his absolute gut reactions while John walks us through what exactly it is they watched. Everyone seems to be breaking this music video down into symbols and so the boys join in, cracking open those delicious authorial choices to get at the juicy, sweet meaning within. America’s in a tricky spot, and Donald Glover has captured the insanity in a nice, four minute and four second video. Props to the Dong Lover. Also, someone let me know if there’s some interference in the episode. There seemed to be some type of anomalous signal in the edit, but I couldn’t find anything. Oh well, it’s probably nothing.