All posts by Zero Credits

Episode 176: Cultural Doldrums



It’s 1493 and we’ve been on this boat for months. Sure, we set off in 1492, but we didn’t realize it was going to take more than half a year to get to India. And sure, we all want to get rich by trading spices, but this is a bit too far, don’t you think? It’s been a couple of weeks and we’ve gone no where. There’s no wind. We’re lucky we stopped by those islands and picked up a couple of tortoises, else the other men would be going crazy with thoughts of running out of food, but even the tortoises will only last so long. Why’d we even take on this venture in the first place, not knowing how long the long way around would be? It’s all that crazy Christo’s fault. Maybe…we should mutiny…and sail back for Spain, where we came from.

So yeah, it’s like that, I guess.


Episode 175: Let the Big Dog Eat



In far off lands, there lives a tale of a large dog. For centuries, this large dog ate and ate as it pleased, smacking its lips on delicious treats. Then humans came to the large dog and told it that it could no longer eat. The big dog, sad, listened to the humans and stopped eating. Centuries passed and all seemed well. But slowly, the world became worse. Global warming. Disease. Quarantines outside of the Quarantine region of France. The large dog had been protecting humanity from these things for so long as its treats were carbon emissions and diseases.

So please. As John says. Let him be the first one to say, “Let the big dog eat.”


Episode 174: John Doesn’t Like Animal Crossing: Diablo Edition



I hear what you’re saying, and I’m wondering it to. Does John not liking Animal Crossing make him some kind of grotesque monster? Do we have the right to judge said monster based on his preferences alone? Well I’m here to tell you the answer to both of those questions is yes. John is a monster, one who works for the Lord of Terror himself, Diablo. It’s out job to band together as no more than four adventures to loot and kill our way to John’s evil throne and take him down once and for all. I just pray we have enough bells to afford the equipment we need to take him out. Maybe someone could arrange a loan for us. Wait, what’s this raccoon doing here? Why do I have a sudden urge to fish for hours on end?


Episode 173: Zero Credit(s) Got a Website (Kind of)



In the year 2020, the coronavirus rages on, but here on the digital space, two brave Hackerz(tm) brave the net to establish someplace where those not brave enough to go outside can stay inside. That’s right, Zero Credit(s) has a website (kind of). Finally, there’s a place on the net where no one will fear to tread (it’s not made yet). And it features all the latest and great technology money can buy (we have no budget). Featuring the genius of Henry (not involved in the project) and the workhorsemanship of John, this truly will be the best website on the webternet. Webs.


Episode 172: CoronaCast (not the beer)



At the time of recording this episode, Henry was growing increasingly worried about his company’s lack of response to the COVID-19 global pandemic, while John was on day 6 of his company mandated quarantine. So things were a little bit weird in the studio for this one, to say the least. However, we have the finale of the Fast and Furious: Spyracers discussions and a whole heaping of good news that may have been overshadowed in this trying time. Stay safe out there and WASH YOUR HANDS.


Episode 171: Spyracers in a Time of Coronavirus



Looking for a little levity in this crazy time of canceled everything due to social distancing and the coronavirus? We got you covered as we take on the penultimate episode of Spyracers. Also we talk a ton about the coronavirus. Sorry. At the time it wasn’t as big of a thing as it is now. So. That’s something. This short cause I have a lot going on. Sorry!


Less Than Zero 5: Oops! All Henry



John has fled to the mountains of Colorado, where the winds are cold and the snow is colder, leaving Henry with sole control of the podcast. And instead of planning anything like a guest or a special event, Henry got really into his Fire Emblem Three Houses Maddening Golden Deer run and forgot to do any of that. The result is Henry discussing things for over an hour as he drinks progressively more and more Shiner. Hopefully you like it. If not, the regular podcast should be back soon. Enjoy!

 

Music:
Underclocked by Eric Skiff
http://ericskiff.com/


Episode 170: America’s First Openly Goth President



The year is 2020. The place, America. Newly elected President Bernie Sanders takes the podium in front of the newly renovated Black House. He’s all decked out in his black eye liner, black painted nails, and his executive studded leather choker around his neck. “America,” he says, “My fourth act as Goth President is upon you. Behold. Our new national anthem.” Release the Bats by The Birthday Party begins broadcasting nationwide on all channels. Right before the first chorus, Bernie speaks again, “And now, America, behold our new national bird.” Thousands of bats are released from holding cages hidden behind stage. They swarm through the crowd, confused and chattering. “Our flag,” Bernie says, holding up a perfect replica of the United States flag, only it’s completely black. “The America you knew is dead. This is the new America. This is how things are now. It’s not a phase.” The crowd goes wild.

Also, Fast and Furious: Spyracers episode six is discussed.


Episode 168: Parasite Wins Everything. As It Should.



It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally, the Academy gets things right, such as when they refused to let me become a cop. I was really just in it for the gun. Now, the Academy has gotten a second thing right: Parasite won every award it should have. For the first time in history, a foreign language film swept the Oscars and took home so many little golden men statues. Other notable things happened that night and Henry and John will discuss them, but let me tell you about the gun I almost had. It was a walter pk 45 and it weighed as much as two full cups of coffee, but in one hand. It was shiny and grey like gunmetal, because it was a gun. The lieutenant saw me talking to it and then they wouldn’t let me become a cop any more and I feel like maybe I could get a second chance if I dyed my hair and changed my name, but that’s for another time.

Also happening: the fourth installment of the ongoing MiniSupRed on Fast and Furious: Spyracers.