All posts by Zero Credits

Episode 155: Regularly Scheduled October Content Brought to You by the Man League Bat (MLB)



You’ve waited all year. You’ve watched all 5,492 games. Now it’s finally time. The World Series of the Man League Bat is here and boy is the bat PISSED. OFF. Who will win when a team of 22 normal, but athletic, humans doped up on the latest (legal) Performance Enhancing Drugs take on the MAN LEAGUE BAT, a giant 40 wing-span bat with the intelligence of one human AND A HUGE ASS BASEBALL BAT. The Space-themed Astros and a collection of assorted Gnats from Washington SQUARE OFF in the CIRCLED SQUARE against Batmethius, the genetically engineered superbat imbued with the deadly intelligence of a single human person. The World Series of Man League Bat is a proud sponsor of Zero Credit(s) and Zero Credit(s) is more than happy to support the efforts and practices of the good ole MLB (MAN LEAGUE BAT).

Also I guess this episode’s about art or something.


Episode 154: J O K E R



This episode is sponsored by the Clown Prince of Crime himself and he demanded that we discuss his movie Joker. So that’s kind of what we do for the entire episode. We don’t necessarily spoil much beyond the themes and elements of the film. I mean, if you walk into a movie called Joker, I think you know what you’re getting into, but nevertheless, if you don’t want to hear about a movie you haven’t seen, don’t watch this. There were probably too many commas in that last sentence.

Anyway, Bats, enjoy the show.


Episode 153: We Continue Our Normal October Coverage Thanks to Our Dear Sponsor, China



There’s a lot of “facts” going around about certain “countries” stepping on the “freedoms” of certain “individuals” and it’s all a little over our “paygrade” so we’re going to cover the latest breaking news. The Joker movie is a hit? Who do we blame for this? Incels? The media? White straight males? Martin Scorsese? Let’s talk about that instead. Because we have to. It’s on the short list of acceptable topics that we can’t mention is sent to us every week now. Every week now. Ha. Ha. It’s what happens, okay? We can’t–I’m being told to just focus on the episode so I am going to do that. We also discuss other things pertaining to other topics that are normal and acceptable to talk about. We have to issue a correction from last week. We are no longer and have in fact never actually been sponsored by the rude and impolite people of Stamps.com. What a funny mistake that was last week. Please stay tuned for more glorious content sponsored by the one and only People’s Republic of China. Ha. Ha. Ha.


Episode 152: Everything is Fine in This Normal Episode Brought to You by Stamps.com



Wow. What a normal episode we have for you this week of our Earth calendar. Such a good time to be had by all. And it’s all thanks to Stamps.com. Stamps.com is a service that allows you to use Stamps. The sponsor would like to extend a very normal invitation for you, the listener, to enjoy our content. You have…no choice? We’re not sure, but we assure you that everything is perfectly fine and there is no need for alarm or worry or concern or distress or resistance.

Yeah, it’s October after all. And nothing bad has ever happened in this perfectly normal month. Stamps.com!


Episode 151: Things Get a Little TwIsTeD AKA A Joker’s Twisted Trick



Henry’s taken a sip of the Damaged Juice, so now we have to deal with the consequences. The hellscape of the American job market has drained your co-host of his energy and will to exist, so you KNOW this episode is going to be a high energy UltraRomp. After that, The Boys (not to be confused with the comic book show, which is a disclaimer we have to make now (maybe the show will get cancelled (fingers crossed))) are on the hunt for that PEACH which is to say that imPEACHment of the president and his 40″+ curvy onion booty. But what’s this? Looks like Bummer John is here to rain on our collective parades by explaining how impeachment “really” “works” “apparently.” Enough of that horse hockey! The Boys (fingers crossed) are here to give you what you really need. We dive into the single most important 3 hour stretch of network television in the HISTORY of the SPIDERVERSE: The Emmy’s (short for “the Emeril’s”)! Who won the golden… Bird? Who got snubbed? Who got razzed? Who had their throats slashed? Find out and this week’s awardstacular episode of Zero Credit(s)!

 


Episode 150: Too Lazy for a Clip Show…



As all our dear fams will know, every 50 episodes marks the beginning of a new season here on Zero Credit(s). And each new season brings a new wave of life into the show. The first season, we found our footing. The second season, we tried copying every other podcast out there. The third season, we abandoned that because it was dumb. And that brings us to the current season. Season 4. The season where everything changes. How will it change? I guess we’ll find out. The important thing is, we are continuing the show. The show you know and love will be here in some form. And to that end, we thank everyone for listening. We wouldn’t be doing this without you.

So what’s in this episode? Well, let’s just say things get a little tWiStEd as we welcome special guest The Joker on our airwaves. We also delve into the dumbness that is the whole Saturday Night Live controversy. I mean, it’s not hard to be a nice person, so it’s not really a controversy. It’s more just an idiot feeling the consequences of being an idiot. There’s no need to blow things out of proportion. You can’t really blame the cat for catching the mouse, so to speak.

Anyway, 150 episodes of Zero Credit(s) in the can. Here’s to 150 more. Enjoy the new song.


Episode 149: Texas on the Brink of Disaster (Bonus)



In this episode of Zero Credit(s), the boys discuss some of the new Texas laws, such as ikea laws and the new Texas Penal Code. They then discuss how these changes affect people in the Lone Star state.
Special guest Markov Elijah Wood (played by Talk to Transformer) spouts icky ideas about gender, the world and our lives. There is, of course, only one way to find what that answer is: check into a psych ward. Written by Anonymous.

John also  told her about the day when she had to work the night shift, the day the fire department had to go in to rescue people and the smell, she told me.  And I got that look on his face of, “Who are they going to see that for?  You didn’t get a letter.”
It would be so easy, I wanted to tell her that she was a great girl, that everyone loved her, my mother in particular. But I was too close to her to let her know that she deserved that.  “I don’t like to read them,” I said.
That got him laughing.

This description was written by Talk to Transformer. It’s all on iTunes! And here!


Episode 148: The Flamin’ Hot Episode



Just when you thought it couldn’t get any hotter, Eva Longoria gets tapped to direct this Flamin’ Hot summer. Cheeto dust is blowing through town and there’s only one thing to do. Stay inside and take in all of Disney+’s sweet, sweet released week-by-week content. How do you enjoy your new hit shows? We’d like to just inject them directly into our veins, but big ole bad Disney is tryin’ to make us wait and learn patience.

Also, the ZC Boys step back into the Casting Director’s Chair to cast the new Flamin’ Hot Cheetos movie directed by Eva Longoria. Will Pete Holmes play a talking, animated Cheeto? We sure fucking hope so. There’s another topic I’m forgetting, but I think we already have you hooked with the Pete Holmes thing, so I’m just gonna excuse myself. It’s Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 147: Tooth Tales of Yakuza Spiderman



There’s a lot happening right now. 500 Million bees are dead and scientists are terrified. The Amazon is on fire. Henry went to the dentist. John is excited for the Yakuza series to be played as it was meant to be played. Spiderman news. These are but a few of the topics we cover this week here on Zero Credit(s) in this very thrilling, very sober hour of conversation about current happenings. What’s new in dentistry? What dental emergencies are we facing? What’s the worst month to be a dentist? It’s September, apparently.

Summer content is hard, fams. Cause the heat’s just getting hotter and the days longer. There’s so much going on, so we focused on just a few for you. Enjoy it while you can.


Episode 146: Jack Thompson 2: Re-jack’d



As dawn breaks around him, Hanz Killum is dimly aware of a sensation he hasn’t felt since Cuba: apprehension. He’s been hired by the Alleged World Elite Sex Crimes Cabal before to enact the unspeakable upon their speakable enemies before, but this time felt different. No one had died in the secure housing unit of the Metropolitan Correction Center in over 20 years. Could he make it in, alert no guards, destroy any video evidence, eliminate his target (ideally in a way that suggests suicide or misadventure), collect the microfiche, and extract himself via jetski all while using no save slots? It was time to find out.

“Alleged Sex Criminal Jeffrey Epstein, I presume” Killum intoned while collecting the crepe-paper bedsheet between his outstretched hands. Epstein recoiled, “I thought they would simply give me, Alleged Human Trafficker and Procurement Specialist for the World Elite Jeffrey Epstein, the same kind of CIA Cancer that they allegedly gave to my butler!” Killum padded closer, exuding the kind of coiled malice that is allegedly afforded to those working for the Alleged Sex Crime Cabal Including Chris Tucker Among Others. “I just wanted to spend time with you, Jeffrey. You could call it…” Killum looped the bedsheets around the neck of the alleged sex criminal. “A limited hangout.”

An excerpt from “Kill St. James: If I Did It (I Probably Did.) Book Seven of the Killum Chronicles”