John has gone missing. He’s not sick or anything, so don’t worry. He’s just not here. So to fill the J-shaped void of John, Henry’s wife, and also her own person, Jamie steps up to the couch to discuss what’s currently happening in the Henry and Jamie household. Mostly, it’s watching TV. But what kinds of TV?! A new Star Wars movie directed and co-written by Taika Waititi? Well, no cause it’s not out yet. How about some riveting round-table discussions of the Mandalorian on Disney+? Not really, because round tables are dumb. Well then certainly the Disney singalong and Stephen Sondheim concert? Technically only Jamie watched that and she has a lot of thoughts on it. Well, then what did you watch, huh? You’ll have to listen to find out on this special quarantine edition of Zero Credit(s). (Middleditch & Schwartz)
Hello there, Quibidiots, it’s your boys Henry and John coming straight to you with the latest Quibinfo-dump. We’ve got all the fresh takes on all your favorite Quibi Shows, like Michael Peña Makes Pizza, Chevy Chase’s Credit Check, and Judge Teigan. Hold on to your Quibutts, cause it just gets more Quibigreat. We got Daniel Craig and Felicia Day Talk About Their Cats, Sam Rami’s 50 States of Fright, and Charlie Day’s Day, where Charlie Day just talks about his day. We’re going to cover all of these shows and more, because Quibi is the streaming platform of the futur– and my phone just died. So I guess we can’t watch the latest episode of Justin Roiland Sitting in a Room with No Microphone. Damn. Okay, I’m going to plug my phone in and then I guess we can keep going, but until then, Henry and John can discuss something unimportant like the impact of opening state economies too early or something.
What should have been a simple task has become an ordeal and now it’s all here for you to listen to, Fams. John simply wanted to tell Henry of the drinking he has done in the past couple of days, but what happens? The ole Henry derailment train pulls into the station. Wait. A derailment train? Wouldn’t that, like, destroy whatever rail is in front of it? So it would derail itself? How would it even reach the station? No idea.
John mentions an artist in this episode and then never says who they are, so we’re going to give a little shout out to Alex Schafer here in the description. Go check out his work!
It’s 1493 and we’ve been on this boat for months. Sure, we set off in 1492, but we didn’t realize it was going to take more than half a year to get to India. And sure, we all want to get rich by trading spices, but this is a bit too far, don’t you think? It’s been a couple of weeks and we’ve gone no where. There’s no wind. We’re lucky we stopped by those islands and picked up a couple of tortoises, else the other men would be going crazy with thoughts of running out of food, but even the tortoises will only last so long. Why’d we even take on this venture in the first place, not knowing how long the long way around would be? It’s all that crazy Christo’s fault. Maybe…we should mutiny…and sail back for Spain, where we came from.
So yeah, it’s like that, I guess.
In far off lands, there lives a tale of a large dog. For centuries, this large dog ate and ate as it pleased, smacking its lips on delicious treats. Then humans came to the large dog and told it that it could no longer eat. The big dog, sad, listened to the humans and stopped eating. Centuries passed and all seemed well. But slowly, the world became worse. Global warming. Disease. Quarantines outside of the Quarantine region of France. The large dog had been protecting humanity from these things for so long as its treats were carbon emissions and diseases.
So please. As John says. Let him be the first one to say, “Let the big dog eat.”
I hear what you’re saying, and I’m wondering it to. Does John not liking Animal Crossing make him some kind of grotesque monster? Do we have the right to judge said monster based on his preferences alone? Well I’m here to tell you the answer to both of those questions is yes. John is a monster, one who works for the Lord of Terror himself, Diablo. It’s out job to band together as no more than four adventures to loot and kill our way to John’s evil throne and take him down once and for all. I just pray we have enough bells to afford the equipment we need to take him out. Maybe someone could arrange a loan for us. Wait, what’s this raccoon doing here? Why do I have a sudden urge to fish for hours on end?
In the year 2020, the coronavirus rages on, but here on the digital space, two brave Hackerz(tm) brave the net to establish someplace where those not brave enough to go outside can stay inside. That’s right, Zero Credit(s) has a website (kind of). Finally, there’s a place on the net where no one will fear to tread (it’s not made yet). And it features all the latest and great technology money can buy (we have no budget). Featuring the genius of Henry (not involved in the project) and the workhorsemanship of John, this truly will be the best website on the webternet. Webs.
At the time of recording this episode, Henry was growing increasingly worried about his company’s lack of response to the COVID-19 global pandemic, while John was on day 6 of his company mandated quarantine. So things were a little bit weird in the studio for this one, to say the least. However, we have the finale of the Fast and Furious: Spyracers discussions and a whole heaping of good news that may have been overshadowed in this trying time. Stay safe out there and WASH YOUR HANDS.
Looking for a little levity in this crazy time of canceled everything due to social distancing and the coronavirus? We got you covered as we take on the penultimate episode of Spyracers. Also we talk a ton about the coronavirus. Sorry. At the time it wasn’t as big of a thing as it is now. So. That’s something. This short cause I have a lot going on. Sorry!
John has fled to the mountains of Colorado, where the winds are cold and the snow is colder, leaving Henry with sole control of the podcast. And instead of planning anything like a guest or a special event, Henry got really into his Fire Emblem Three Houses Maddening Golden Deer run and forgot to do any of that. The result is Henry discussing things for over an hour as he drinks progressively more and more Shiner. Hopefully you like it. If not, the regular podcast should be back soon. Enjoy!
Underclocked by Eric Skiff