Category Archives: Zero Credit(s)

The main episodes of the show.

Episode 89: Zero Credit(s) 2 Year Anniversary Show AKA Flambeaux: First Blood Part II



Lessmumblemumbleroolay, listeners, because it’s Mardi Gras time in the Zero Credit(s) studio! The furniture’s been put up and the recording space has been converted, for one night only, into the happeningest fais do-do around. Henry’s working up a pot of his famous étouffée, while John is cutting a rug with a blistering do-si-do, so bring your best alligator crawfish because things are about to go Bourbon Street St. Louis Cathedral paddle boat. The Boys dig into the history of Fat Tuesday and give you a summary and big and majestic as the National World War II Museum. Eventually, Henry and John then get into the real reason for the season: it’s the anniversary of Zero Credit(s)! They share all of their favorite memories (which are mostly about other people) and dream of episodes to come. Fan boat zydeco. You are then treated to a deep-dive into the inherent darkness of Millennial humor through the vehicle of laundry pods. Gumbo Harry Connick Jr. Tip your fire-people, dream big, and don’t eat the baby (because he’s Jesus), it’s Zero Credit(s)!

 

Music Credit:
King of the Beats Kit
from unbelievablebeats.com


Episode 88: Foot Ball Sunday Special



The great Foot Ball Sunday Day is an event that happens but once every year, Dear Listener, and the ZC Boys could not be more excited to cover all the great events surrounding the Big Game. Not the game itself, mind, just the events surrounding it. We’re talking the commercials, the advertisements, the …third word for commercials. It’s a commercial heavy episode of Zero Credit(s), but the only thing we’re selling is a quick look into the cultural pulse of the nation. Also, Europe’s being overrun by a mutant crawfish. That’s not a joke or anything, it’s just something that is currently happening and Henry’s got all the details to enlighten us before it all ends in a river, where no one can here you blub. Strap yourself down for some edification, Zero Credit(s) starts as soon as you hit the play button yourself, we can’t do that for you. Oh man, if we could though. Boom, everywhere. Everywhere you look, people would be listening to Zero Credit(s), whether they like it or not, endlessly, forever. Enjoy!


Episode 87: Open Your Eyes, Ban All Knives



The sky is growing lighter, but there’s still a chill that can cut to the bone. Come, weary souls, and let the Boys warm you with knowledge. Henry and John open the proceedings by delivering a collegiate-level overview of identifying difficult film genres (eg. Zoo, Museum). They hope your previous degree is now worthless. John makes a CLASSIC schoolboy-type error by trying to have a meaningful discussion on organized religion before he is eviscerated by Henry’s opening philosophical salvo: the Murderers Paradox. The poor fool never saw it coming. Finally, we hope you’re hankering for a big drippy scoop of Big Data, because the Boys connect some troubling dots to paint a grim picture of our future, but not without discovering some surprising facts about their own culture. No one will ever remain who they thought they were. It’s a never-ending road for your identity. It’s Zero Credit(s)!

 


Episode 86: Let the Games Begin



Ext. Morning, cloudy.

Charles Dance sits at a table in the courtyard of a brutalist skyscraper. He watches a couple meet and hug, as though they haven’t seen each other in quite some time. He is not moved by their reunion, despite his piqued interest. The couple moves to leave the courtyard and he stands up from the table. Maybe he’s interested in where they’re going. Maybe he can figure out what prompted their emotion, get to the essence of what makes them human in order to better understand humanity. He begins to walk but he hears the soft ping of a silenced pistol, firing twice. Two bullets rip through him from behind, taking his life and all intentions of finding out about the couple he saw in the courtyard with it.

Charles Dance steps onto the scene, tucking a silenced pistol into his coat. “Let the ga–” Two soft pings of a silenced pistol rip through the air, striking Charles Dance in the back, taking his life and all intentions of finishing his sentence with it.

Charles Dance steps onto the scene, tucking a silenced pistol in his coa– Two soft pings of a silenced pistol rip through the air, striking Charles Dance in the back, taking his life and all intentions of tucking his pistol into his coat with it.

The camera pans to reveal Charles Dance, taking a pistol from somewhere in his coat and raising it toward Charles Dance, who just shot Charles Dance, in front of him, but before he can pull the trigger, he hears the soft pings of silenced pistol firing twice and is struck twice in the back, taking his life and all intentions of shooting Charles Dance in the back to take his life and intentions of tucking the silenced pistol into his coat and presumably saying, “Let the Games Begin,” before walking off screen with it.

The camera pans over a courtyard full of the bodies of Charles Dance in various states of having shot or being shot by Charles Dance.


Episode 85: Pointless Distractions on the Road to the Grave



It’s finally time for the first episode of 2018. But first,

EMERGENCY ALERT
ZERO CREDIT(S) EPISODE THREAT INBOUND TO YOUR EARS. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Henry and John are back at full capacity to discuss all the things they missed in the past two weeks. What Henry thought might be a quick introduction to 2018 segment soon overtakes the entire G.D. episode as they discuss false ballistic missile alerts, fat shaming our mentally disable president, and Nintendo’s latest announcement of a bunch of stupid pieces of cardboard for the low price of 60-70 U.S. Dollars. They also wanted to discuss what’s happening to the bitcoin, but they forgot to and so the sentiment becomes like so many empty promises in the wind, dust to dust, ashes to ashes. We’re promising new and better things in 2018, starting right here, right now, in this Capital G, Capital D frickin’ episode.


Episode 84: Best/Worst 2017 aka Teslas on the Moon



Let’s end this year right, Dear Listeners, by rendering judgement unto all. There is no sanctuary from judgement. All shall feel the light of the side eye cast on them. The unjust and just dab alike on this day. Let us take a walk through this year’s 10 special categories that represent the year as a whole. What was the best movie? The worst moment of our collective cultural experience? The best and worst of what humanity has to offer is here, in this episode. Aliens, if you only listen to one podcast episode encapsulating the human experience this year, make it this one. It’s all here, and a little bit more, just for you, Dear Listener. If you hit play at 10:27 pm on New Year’s Eve, you’ll start the New Year knowing the final verdict of 2017 (and also you will have participated in 2017’s last official Meme(tm)). Goodbye 2017, and hello The Encompassing Void That Lives Within Us All.


Episode 83: Normal Day Podcast



Welcome to normal day podcast. We talk about all of your favorite segments. The olympics get spooky terrors. We then briefly reveal where henry talks about horror games featuring music by the semi honored classic simulation fire. This change in atmosphere fuels our discussion of the best content known to exist offline, listeners, and that is happiness within oneself. John talks about centralized programming and it will frighten you as it seems to be awful or something new or terribly old. Sound off the boys, henry, this is the beginning of our current season and john is harboring a secret that could threaten the very existence of the wild west. To the north there is happiness: traffic will be awful. I work backwards in theaters, dear listener, so please be a dear listener to relax in theaters. Buy baby driver on bluray.


Episode 82: Spoilers for Everything from 30 Years Ago aka Now We Riffin’



It’s that time again, listeners. Henry and John are firing up the Best/Worst machine by generating this year’s categories. Before that, though, H-Man & J-Ohn still haven’t quite shaken this most recent bout of Austin Bit Sickness, but they attempt to press on regardless. What’s the underlying narrative formula of Dragon Ball Z? The Boys sure as heck try to find out during an impromptu segment that last DOZENS OF MINUTES! All this nonsense surrounds what should probably be a pretty austere and respectful discussion of the 2017 The Inner Mind’s Eye Person of the Year issue. If you can’t stand the spoilers, get out of the kitchen. The kitchen is this week’s episode of Zero Credit(s)! Sorry!

 


Episode 81: A Most Quarrelsome Quadrant



You’ve been waiting for it, listeners. And it’s here. It’s finally, finally here. Henry and John are in the same geographic location and it is GETTING HOG CRAZY IN HERE. A manic spirit has inhabited the body of John, and that spirit (you guessed it) is the Spirit of Adventure. Now, free from the bindings of anonymity, Henry and John openly discuss their city of residence. Does that mean you can mail them pictures you took of their house? Yeah! It’s an Austin-centric episode, where the boys discuss almost nothing but the fastest (?) growing city (?) in America (?). The boys cover it all: traffic. So join us on this week’s episode of Zero Credit(s) and Keep It Sebulba.

 


Episode 80: The Patron Saint of Coolsgiving



It’s Coolsgiving again, Dear Listeners, and that means it’s time to settle once and for all who it is we pledge our Cool Thanks to on this gracious occasion. Henry and John Dive into the debate of a Thankful-themed holiday lifetime to hash out who is deserving of our Cool Thanks. With so much horribleness in the world in terms of people who deserve our praise and worship, the boys thought it would be good to carve out a least one celebrity person who we should honor for being alright people. This takes up like 75% of the episode. The remainder is dedicated to those time-honored Cool Thanks from the ZC Crew. What are you Cool Thankful for?