Category Archives: Zero Credit(s)

The main episodes of the show.

Episode 130: Post Vacation Land



John’s back from vacation and boy are his arms tired. Where’d he go? He’ll tell you. In fact, he may talk about it for nearly the entire episode. You guys ready to hear about Disney World? Well buckle up, folks, cause that’s what this episode is all about. Also a surprise Supplemental Reading of The Fast and Furious Supercharged Experience ride to round out our favorite series ever, the FFCU SupRed series, which you should total check out if you haven’t already. Henry then rants about the Epic Games Store for 30 minutes past when we should have stopped the recording resulting in super bonus content! Don’t get used to these hour and a half episodes though. Cause we need the space.

It’s all here and more and maybe even a little less in this week’s Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 129: The Twitter Mysteries (ft. Jeff)



John’s out on vacation so it’s up to Henry to save this podcast one last time. And he’s getting too old for this sh*t, so the agency assigns him a partner. Now we all know that Henry is a rule abiding, by-the-book cop, so it’s a bit of a curveball when he’s assigned to young-gun rookie straight out of the academy of bloodlust, Jeff. It’s a roaring good time for the whole family, just as long as you all have the same political beliefs and feelings about politicians using Twitter. It’s all here and more in this hour and a half special of Zero Credit(s).

 

Note: We used Zencastr to record this interview-styled podcast and it had a few kinks that we didn’t know until after the recording. You may notice Jeff’s mic cut-out for absolutely no reason when I happen to talk over him. We have since fixed this, but we could not apply it retroactively, so it still persists in this episode. Future interview episodes should be fine though.


Episode 128: Disney Owns Everything Ft. James Gunn Control



It’s a new room and new show, folks, as Henry and John wrestle with technical difficulties and dropped audio. For those of you who do not know, dropped audio is a phenomenon in which audio that is supposed to be recorded just isn’t for some reason. Like the waveform (visual representation of recorded sound) looks fine besides some stuttering (visual lag), but when we stopped, there were just gaps of unrecorded audio. To combat this, Henry digs out that time honored and fam-favorite Ultra-Powerful, but Ultimately Shackled Fiendly Neighborhood Exposition Bot to plug those gaps. Also this entire episode is about Marvel and Disney and the return of James Gunn. Like, there’s a lot more covered, but really besides that and talking about Burger King in what sounds like an advertisement (we assure it is not), it’s just Disney and Marvel all the way down, folks. And with the Disney/Fox merger happening literally hours after this recording, we might just cover Disney again next week. Since you know, they ARE entertainment now.


Episode 127: Don’t Draw My Wife or: Umm… Howoh??



After an extended illness-and-Vegas-driven hiatus, the Boys are back to tackle their most challenging task: recording on an off-day. So you guys already know this is gonna be a weird one. I once read that there is a mental condition that when someone listens to people describing symptoms of being sick, they start to feel sick themselves. If you have that condition: SORRY. I regret to inform you that there is a classic Extended Riff on the flu and flu-like symptoms and boy it’s gross. However, if you happen to have a mental condition that benefits you upon hearing people joyously discuss Nintendo: you’re in luck! Because John finally bought a g-d Switch, so it’s all he can talk about. Now, on the other hand, if you have the specific mental condition that makes you the person who redesigned Sonic the Hedgehog for his upcoming movie, John is here to give you a royal dressing-down. It’s a real roller coaster for people with mental conditions, I guess. And despite on of the two hosts getting Literally Married and going to Literal Nevada, the Boys round it out by talking about brands crossing the line between relatable and despicable. The Zero Credit(s) podcast is ready. Draw her in your style.


Episode 126: What Didn’t We Watch (ft. Jamie)



John is sick. He may *sob* never record again. At least for this week, which is why for the first time ever, a ZCPC episode was recorded without him. This is an historic moment, one whose implications may very well echo all the way to next week. When Henry won’t be able to record. Anyway, scrambling to find a cohost, Henry did what he always does. He asked his fiancee. Soon to be wife. Like tomorrow to be wife. And as she’s done before, she said yes. She would love to be on the podcast. And so this happened. Jamie is here, Henry is here, John is not. They discuss the Oscars and what movies probably deserve to be there more so than others, all of which Henry and Jamie have not actually seen. Who the hell cares about A Star is Born? Who is that movie for?

I once met Bradly Cooper in a bar in Copenhagen on a Wednesday night in the Spring of 1995. I was sitting at the bar, minding my own business, when he sat next to me. He said in a low voice so that no one else could hear him, “Hey. My name’s Bradly Cooper. In 24 years, I’m going to direct a movie called A Star is Born with Lady Gaga and myself as lead actors.”  He looked around the bar to see if anyone else heard. But we were alone. Not even the bartender was there. He leaned back in. “You better go see it, buddy. Else I’ll be back. I’ll stab your dog, man. I’m not kidding. You better go fuckin’ see it. I have a knife, buddy. A real, big knife. And I went to classes to learn how to use it. I got my knife license, if you know what I mean. I paid out the ass for that license. I’ll stab your dog and then I’ll stab you. Go see my movie. Go see my fuckin’ moving. I’m not kidding. You think this is a joke?” He moved his jacket aside and I saw he had a large knife tucked into his belt loop. “Go see my movie. Go. Go now. Go to a theater and wait 24 years for my movie. I have things to do. I need to graduate acting school and star in Wet Hot American Summer. I have plans. But you go to the theater. I’ll call up theaters randomly and if you’re not there, waiting for my movie, I’ll be back. With my knife. And I’ll stab your dog.” He got up and was gone into the Copenhagen night. That encounter stuck with me for a long time and I’d think of him whenever I did manage to pop into a theater. Over all, I thought he was a nice guy. Cause he didn’t really escalate his threats and I’ve never had a dog.

It’s all here! On Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 125: The Fresh Prince Blues



Wedding bells are ringing in the distance. The Wedding Party is bearing down on our position. We’ve put up a good fight, but I don’t know how much longer we’ll last. Nuptials are imminent. In this episode, John tries to wring some amount of discussion out of the existence of Blue Will Smith, but Henry has seen ALL THE MEMES and does not wish to entertain the subject further, robbing listeners of untold joy. Then, the Boys are going on vacation! John, to the most magical place on Earth: Disney World! Henry, to some kind of wet clown dance in a desert. Marvel as Henry dishes out his top picks for Disney magic. Gasp as John recounts spinning apple ride horror stories. Tremble with anger as neither host mentions your favorite Disney attraction. It’s a whole new world just around the river bend Olaf, this week on Zero Credit(s)!

 


Episode 124: The Big Game LIII AKA Death of the American Monoculture



What up Sports Survivors, it’s hike time on the Zero Credit(s) Grid Iron and the New England Footballs are roarin’ to go up against the St. Lou–Los Angeles Helmeted-Men. In the aftermath, no one is left pleased, save for a small community of people on the East Coast who have literally never known pain, for they have lived in the golden era of summer that is the blandest team in football. I mean, if you’re a fan of the New England Sucktriots, then fine. Feel free to continue living your fucking privileged life where suffering is a word in a book seldom read. For the rest of us, we’ll just continue living our shit pain lives of misery, while Brady struggles to lift his precious robot hands due to the weight of six way-too big rings that honestly look kind of dumb. We wouldn’t one anyway. Also television is dead, no one tried, and corporations are awful, translucent money goblins whose thin intentions are as easily read as that aforementioned suffering book. Mixed metaphors and amateur sports analysis overflow in this episode. Cause that’s what you signed up for.


Episode 123: The RKO Heard Round the World



Recorded live in front of an unnecessarily loud refrigerator in beautiful Two Bedroom Apartment, Texas, it’s Zero Credit(s)! The Boys made a promise and, against good taste and better judgement, they stuck to their word. Join them this week as they discuss, in its entirety, the single most exhausting sporting event: the WWE Royal Rumble. The Semi-Knowledgable Force faces off against the Apathetic Object in this clash of wills. Will John ever stop talking about New Japan Pro Wrestling? Will Henry continue to tolerate Hornswoggle? Who will be left standing with the Intercontinental Bruiserweight Smackdown Tag Team Adrenachrome belt? Find out NOW, on this week’s episode of Zero Credit(s)!

 


Episode 122: A Juicy Start, A Hoppy Bite



Gather now, Brothers and Sisters, for time is short and growing shorter. We, the Arkane Order of Mystikal Magicks and Eldritkch Fpells, have a great deal to discuss. The Super Blood Wolf Moon has since waned and given way to a Normal Clean Nonwolfed Moon, but our Rites and Inkantations on that fateful night have finally begun to bear fruit. In addition to a very successful (but NOT literal, can’t stress that one enough) casting of Bezos Guillotinus, our Soul Gems have informed us that there was enough residual Krystal Energie to imprison the Archdemon Chris Brown in a Parisian Hypergaol. We are now closer to the Revivification of the Kabal than ever before, but we must remain vigilant. Even now, Magister Corbin Bleu’s influence grows, and all we can do is hope our Message will spread to all those who may hear it. Word of The Mouth is the only way we can survive. This gathering of the Arkane Order of Mystikal Magicks and Eldritkch Fpells is now adjourned. We want to wish you a happy week. Clap.

 


Episode 121: Two Thousand FIGHT-teen!



It’s a brand new year, fams, but man it doesn’t feel like it, does it? Same planet, same problems, as they say and the ZC boys are full of them (PROBLEMS, THAT IS). Henry and John started 2019 with a hang(over) and boy do they want to lament about it. Does this year feel like the year everything changes for the better? Boy does it not. I mean how can you have a perfect night of drunken reverie in New Year’s Eve only to have that dreamlike wonder shattered by going back to the same job with the same people and the same shittyness? It doesn’t seem fair. 2019 should be a year of change but from where we stand it seems the same. Let’s all hope there’s good things to come cause if there isn’t, well. Listen to the episode and extrapolate forward.

Also John is sober for the entire month of January. Good luck Henry. Good luck trying to be funny sober. I mean you don’t need the luck, but hey, here’s some extra luck just in case. You’re probably plenty funny sober, man. You just gotta have all this luck. Look, there’s more luck in the fridge. I put it in there when you were in the bathroom. It’s already in there so I won’t be taking it back. And if you find some more luck like under the couch cushions or something, you can have it, man. I’m not saying you need the luck, but like, you could use it. Hey, we can all use some luck. Some more than others. Not you though. You could use less. Which is a shame since your apartment is now completely packed with luck. Ha ha, well look at the time. I gotta go. And hey, have a good new year.