Episode 148: The Flamin’ Hot Episode



Just when you thought it couldn’t get any hotter, Eva Longoria gets tapped to direct this Flamin’ Hot summer. Cheeto dust is blowing through town and there’s only one thing to do. Stay inside and take in all of Disney+’s sweet, sweet released week-by-week content. How do you enjoy your new hit shows? We’d like to just inject them directly into our veins, but big ole bad Disney is tryin’ to make us wait and learn patience.

Also, the ZC Boys step back into the Casting Director’s Chair to cast the new Flamin’ Hot Cheetos movie directed by Eva Longoria. Will Pete Holmes play a talking, animated Cheeto? We sure fucking hope so. There’s another topic I’m forgetting, but I think we already have you hooked with the Pete Holmes thing, so I’m just gonna excuse myself. It’s Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 147: Tooth Tales of Yakuza Spiderman



There’s a lot happening right now. 500 Million bees are dead and scientists are terrified. The Amazon is on fire. Henry went to the dentist. John is excited for the Yakuza series to be played as it was meant to be played. Spiderman news. These are but a few of the topics we cover this week here on Zero Credit(s) in this very thrilling, very sober hour of conversation about current happenings. What’s new in dentistry? What dental emergencies are we facing? What’s the worst month to be a dentist? It’s September, apparently.

Summer content is hard, fams. Cause the heat’s just getting hotter and the days longer. There’s so much going on, so we focused on just a few for you. Enjoy it while you can.


Episode 146: Jack Thompson 2: Re-jack’d



As dawn breaks around him, Hanz Killum is dimly aware of a sensation he hasn’t felt since Cuba: apprehension. He’s been hired by the Alleged World Elite Sex Crimes Cabal before to enact the unspeakable upon their speakable enemies before, but this time felt different. No one had died in the secure housing unit of the Metropolitan Correction Center in over 20 years. Could he make it in, alert no guards, destroy any video evidence, eliminate his target (ideally in a way that suggests suicide or misadventure), collect the microfiche, and extract himself via jetski all while using no save slots? It was time to find out.

“Alleged Sex Criminal Jeffrey Epstein, I presume” Killum intoned while collecting the crepe-paper bedsheet between his outstretched hands. Epstein recoiled, “I thought they would simply give me, Alleged Human Trafficker and Procurement Specialist for the World Elite Jeffrey Epstein, the same kind of CIA Cancer that they allegedly gave to my butler!” Killum padded closer, exuding the kind of coiled malice that is allegedly afforded to those working for the Alleged Sex Crime Cabal Including Chris Tucker Among Others. “I just wanted to spend time with you, Jeffrey. You could call it…” Killum looped the bedsheets around the neck of the alleged sex criminal. “A limited hangout.”

An excerpt from “Kill St. James: If I Did It (I Probably Did.) Book Seven of the Killum Chronicles”


Supplemental Reading: Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw



In late 2018, several men and women had a vision. What if characters from one movie could appear in their own movie, separate from the series of movies they’re from? I mean, is that possible? So these men and women gathered some scientists and filled them with nitro to develop the world’s first ever spin-off of that time honored, wholly American muscle series: Fast and Furious (Cinematic Universe). The result is a 2 hour plus octane-to-the-brain thrill ride filled with more muscles than muscle cars and a whole, lot, of, ice, cold, ass, whopping. Whooping? No. Hobbs and Shaw is a movie directed by David Leitch (Deadpool 2, John Wick) and written by Chris Morgan (like 90% of the FFCU) that stars FFCU alums Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham reprising their titular characters Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw. Vanessa Kirby (Jupiter Ascending? Oof, sorry Vanessa) gets thrown in for good measure.

Does this movie earn its place in America’s favorite fast-car based franchise? Let’s find out and put the muscle to the road. The street always wins. Vroom.


Episode 145: Ultimate Wacky Death Races



On a world covered in pavement, only one racer can be crowned the most coveted rank of all: Race War Rulerperson. Now, after countless decades of scheming, Dick Dastardly, infamous racer, exconvict, and inventor, has finally perfected his magnum opus: The Transporter. Using this device, he summons every car-based hero time, space, multi-verses, franchises failed and thriving alike to participate in the long, deadliest, wackiest race ever conceived by man/beast/nitro-infused god. The Fast and Familia, Hobbs and Shaw, Speed Racer, Mario Karts, Speed Buggy, REO Speed Wagon, Cars from Disney’s Cars, multiple Transformers, and Herbie Fully Loaded are among the crowds of racers. Not to mention the entirety of the Mad Max Fury Road and both Death Races. They’re all here, revving up those engines. One last time.

This time, it’s for keeps.

ULTIMATE WACKY DEATH RACES. IN THEATERS. SUMMER 2022.

Also, Hobbs and Shaw is out today. Go see it.


Episode 144: A Bad Show aka The Marvels of Madness



A late night talk show host wraps up his politically charged monologue of the days events. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks right into camera four. “Look, we don’t have a good show tonight.” The audience doesn’t know what to do and so they do nothing. “I know, I know,” the host continues, “normally, we prepare a good show and we perform the good show and we all go home happy. But tonight. Not a good show. Our guests canceled. The band has food poisoning. My sidekick has never, ever been funny. It’s just not a good show.” The audience slumps in their seats, a collective blob of disappointment and apathy. “What we do have for you tonight is the ZC Boys talking about the recent announcements at San Diego Comic Con and the larger implications those announcements bear on the average Marvel fan.” The audience slumps further in its seat. “What we do have is some slightly depressing news about the filming of Fast 9 and one stuntman by the name of Joe Watts.” The audience begins to spill out on the theater floor and congeal. “There is a silver lining, however,” the host says. The audience pauses its congealing. “Hobbs and Shaw comes out next week.”

An immediate eruption of applause breaks out as the audience splits back into many different individuals, all with their own thoughts and feelings, but all equally excited for the release of Hobbs and Shaw, in theaters August 2nd.


Supplemental Reading: Stranger Things 3



I’m going to level with you: it’s very hard to write a fun description for this episode without spoiling things. The spoilers live inside the episode, not outside. You know? So just sit back, grab a Jamba Juice and some Sbarro, collapse into a pile of goo, reach the stars, fly a fantasy, dream a dream, and what you see will beeeEeeEEee the answer to our Supplemental Reeeaaa-diiing aaaa-aa-a-a-aa-aaaa.

Music:
Stranger Think by C418
(remix by ND 8D Studios)


Episode 143: Soccer, Sword Dog, and Speedruns (ft Jeff)



In some ancient mountain societies, the people would come together once every 500 years to sacrifice a member of their rank to sustain the great, cosmic elder that allows them to keep living in its domain. This mountain-god-monster would drink the blood of this sacrifice and learn secrets of humanity from the life experience of that sacrifice. This is how the mountain-god-fiend became an expert of human topics such as the 2019 Women’s World Cup, the US Women’s National Team, and other various topics. Today, we summon that mountain-god-jerk to answer for his eons long crimes and to answer our very rudimentary questions about soccer. That thing’s name is Jeff. He’s been on the show before, but no with both hosts present. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time, the ZC boys can hold off the evil influence of Jeff. Or maybe the IPAs will be just strong enough to allow Jeff’s reign to continue another countless millennia. This would definitely not happen if Megan Rapinoe, Alex Morgan, and Rose Lavelle were here, but what can you do?


Episode 142: Megan Rapinoe/Where Are You/We’ve Got Some Work To Do Now



Kick! Pass! Slide! Goal! Ball! The Women’s World Cup is hotting up, and The Footy Boys are here to bring you all the latest news about the US Women’s National Soccer National Football Team Women’s. Will the Lionesses dent their ego, as some crusty goblins have suggested? They will not. Sorry. Since this episode could have easily devolved into another much-maligned Sports Corner, the Footish Men transition to conversations about the concept of “coming out” and question our nation’s preoccupation with otherizing queerness. Also they talk about Gremlins 2. This is the New America, and this is Zero Credit(s)!


Episode 141: Live from the Zero Credit(s) New(s) De(s)k



You’re going about your day, perhaps you’re walking down a busy street on your way to work or to a local ball game. The sun hangs high in the sky, peaking from behind a cloud and everything seems like it’s going to be okay. That’s when you hear it. The news jingle. It creeps into your ears and lays its eggs. The sun is gone. It’s 6 pm Central Time. The street is gone. Nothing remains save a lone television set in front of you blasting the news jingle straight into your brain. The news is here. There is no escape. Learn about things you read on the internet hours ago as though they are happening right now. The news is here. There is no escape. I am your news host and this, breaking news, is your death.