Look, it can no longer be denied. Zack Snyder is going to save cinema with his cut of Justice League. We all thought it was going to be Christopher Nolan’s Tenet, but that film was a false prophet that dragged cinema down into the dirt. Only Zack Snyder can pull off the movie event of the decade, neigh, the century to singlehandedly save the movie going experience. But no story is complete without a villain, an antagonist to stand in the way of our intrepid hero. Enter Disney, a media conglomerate that owns more properties than a Monopoly board. Disney is raising an army of quality content slated to come out in the next year to three years. Can the Snyder Cut stand up in the face of so much evil? Only time will tell, dear friends. Only time will tell.
It’s not as though we set out each episode to talk about our current thoughts of the ongoing health crisis here in America, but it’s like, how can you not talk about it right now? Apologies to our fams in other countries who have dealt with it in a reasonable and professional manner, but the US is just shitting the bed with COVID on a daily basis, and that can be a tough thing to deal with day after day.
On a lighter note, there’s no way in hell you’re going to catch me dead paying $30.00 for the opportunity to see Mulan on Disney+. I can’t even think of a movie where that would be acceptable to me. I won’t even pay the $20.00 to see Troll World Tour, 2020’s only other movie. So, we share our thoughts on that, too. This week, on Zero Credit(s).
John is missing. We can’t find him. Luckily, someone did, and by someone, we mean a country’s government did. They’re keeping him safe for now, but who knows how long they’ll keep him alive. It’s up to you, the fams, to locate him by solving a bunch of geographic puzzles and history clues. So get to it, fams. Go find John. He’s in a red trench coat, a red hat, long flowing black hair, and he might be a woman. You know, as a disguise. Also, Hamilton on Disney+ on July 3rd and more Mandalorian talk!
John has gone missing. He’s not sick or anything, so don’t worry. He’s just not here. So to fill the J-shaped void of John, Henry’s wife, and also her own person, Jamie steps up to the couch to discuss what’s currently happening in the Henry and Jamie household. Mostly, it’s watching TV. But what kinds of TV?! A new Star Wars movie directed and co-written by Taika Waititi? Well, no cause it’s not out yet. How about some riveting round-table discussions of the Mandalorian on Disney+? Not really, because round tables are dumb. Well then certainly the Disney singalong and Stephen Sondheim concert? Technically only Jamie watched that and she has a lot of thoughts on it. Well, then what did you watch, huh? You’ll have to listen to find out on this special quarantine edition of Zero Credit(s). (Middleditch & Schwartz)
In the original cut of this episode, Henry and John discussed the new streaming service Disney+ and some issues surrounding the service that elevated to mainstream media, like Werner Herzog’s performance in The Mandalorian. Then, when it was time for the episode to come to home video via VHS, the editor decided to cut it so that Henry and John discussed Werner Herzog’s interview in Variety and take a deep dive into the corner of the Zeitgiest that is Werner Herzog’s interviews at large. This upset the fams who grew up with the original version of the episode, but neither Henry nor John acknowledges that it ever existed. Decades passed, the episode fell into the library of content owned by the megacorporation GE who owns several podcast collections they call the Podterion Collection. A new streaming service releases including all of the Podterion Collection, but rather than just upload the current version of this episode, GE decides to allow the editor to edit the episode another time. This time, Henry and John seem to discuss the new policy of one YouTube, who now holds the right to terminate channels they deem “non-commercially viable.” So I guess that’s the version of the episode that exists now. It’s Zero Credit(s)!
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any hotter, Eva Longoria gets tapped to direct this Flamin’ Hot summer. Cheeto dust is blowing through town and there’s only one thing to do. Stay inside and take in all of Disney+’s sweet, sweet released week-by-week content. How do you enjoy your new hit shows? We’d like to just inject them directly into our veins, but big ole bad Disney is tryin’ to make us wait and learn patience.
Also, the ZC Boys step back into the Casting Director’s Chair to cast the new Flamin’ Hot Cheetos movie directed by Eva Longoria. Will Pete Holmes play a talking, animated Cheeto? We sure fucking hope so. There’s another topic I’m forgetting, but I think we already have you hooked with the Pete Holmes thing, so I’m just gonna excuse myself. It’s Zero Credit(s)!
It’s a new room and new show, folks, as Henry and John wrestle with technical difficulties and dropped audio. For those of you who do not know, dropped audio is a phenomenon in which audio that is supposed to be recorded just isn’t for some reason. Like the waveform (visual representation of recorded sound) looks fine besides some stuttering (visual lag), but when we stopped, there were just gaps of unrecorded audio. To combat this, Henry digs out that time honored and fam-favorite Ultra-Powerful, but Ultimately Shackled Fiendly Neighborhood Exposition Bot to plug those gaps. Also this entire episode is about Marvel and Disney and the return of James Gunn. Like, there’s a lot more covered, but really besides that and talking about Burger King in what sounds like an advertisement (we assure it is not), it’s just Disney and Marvel all the way down, folks. And with the Disney/Fox merger happening literally hours after this recording, we might just cover Disney again next week. Since you know, they ARE entertainment now.
We’re out here on the digital red carpet, talking to all the stars as they upload their consciousnesses to the Hollywood Theater Chatroom. We’ve downloaded it all. The Shape of Water, Call Me By Your Name, Ladybird, Dunkrik, others, I’m sure. John and Henry are ex-cite-d to say the least about these 90th Annual Academy Awards and boy is this episode long. Every award is discussed. Each one. Even the technical awards. Because every award matters and skipping commentary on even one of these prestigious awards is a cardinal sin against the house that Chaplin built. Who wins? Who goes home in shame, never to be heard from again until their inevitable next nomination? Who will we see in at least two more movies after their win, as ordained in the Academy Winners Contract? We’ve got the tips. We’ve got the tricks. Everything is here and we don’t have a bit or byte to spare. Let’s blow our budget, it’s Zero Credit(s)!