*cough cough cough* Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. You see, my eyes are really bad right now due to the rampant and dangerous spread of the coronavirus. *cough cough cough* But don’t just stand there. Come in, come in. Make yourself comfortable and let me regale you with the tale of Fast and Furious: Spyracers on Netflix. You see, young Tony Toretto was standing on the same street where his cousin Dom set the street racing record in his fabled 10 Second Car from The Fast and the Furious… Oh, you’ve heard this one before? Well then, I’ll have to resort to a tale no one has ever heard before. You see, deep in an animation lab at Dreamworks Animation, a particularly dedicated animator worked day and night agonizing over the perfect way to animate Vin Diesel for an upcoming show based in the Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe. No matter what this animator tried, nothing seemed to be good enough. Much to their dismay, an executive had the bright idea to send Vin Diesel himself along to check the progress being made on what was sure to be a great show on Netflix streaming now. That’s when the animator hatched a scheme to vile, not even On Animation Studios (makers of Playmobil movie) would resort to it. You see, there exists in the animation world a forbidden technique passed on in whispers throughout the hollowed halls that Disney carved. A way to…capture…real life. In desperation, this animator turned to the dark secrets of the past and ensnared Vin Diesel in a trap, pulling him straight into the world of Fast and Furious: Spyracers on Netflix. The world may never see another Vin Diesel movie again… *cough cough cough* You want to know more? Well, good thing I have an episode of Zero Credit(s) here. I’m going to go lie down now and possibly die of the coronavirus now.
After a long two-week hiatus, the boys are stuffed like turkeys with that capital G, capital C Good Content. We’ve got your weekly Fast and Furious update, some promises to do a Best/Worst 2019 that may or may not happen, and a whole lot more before we inevitably dive into the supreme joke that is American politics. Joe Biden is making speeches again and boy does it just tickle John’s fancy. The moral of the story: Do Crimes. Just go out and Do some Crimes. Crimes are the future. Do them today*.
*In no way does Zero Credits endorse or support the Doing of Crimes from a legally actionable standpoint. Please do not sue us.
In this episode of Zero Credit(s), the boys discuss some of the new Texas laws, such as ikea laws and the new Texas Penal Code. They then discuss how these changes affect people in the Lone Star state.
Special guest Markov Elijah Wood (played by Talk to Transformer) spouts icky ideas about gender, the world and our lives. There is, of course, only one way to find what that answer is: check into a psych ward. Written by Anonymous.
John also told her about the day when she had to work the night shift, the day the fire department had to go in to rescue people and the smell, she told me. And I got that look on his face of, “Who are they going to see that for? You didn’t get a letter.”
It would be so easy, I wanted to tell her that she was a great girl, that everyone loved her, my mother in particular. But I was too close to her to let her know that she deserved that. “I don’t like to read them,” I said.
That got him laughing.
This description was written by Talk to Transformer. It’s all on iTunes! And here!
In late 2018, several men and women had a vision. What if characters from one movie could appear in their own movie, separate from the series of movies they’re from? I mean, is that possible? So these men and women gathered some scientists and filled them with nitro to develop the world’s first ever spin-off of that time honored, wholly American muscle series: Fast and Furious (Cinematic Universe). The result is a 2 hour plus octane-to-the-brain thrill ride filled with more muscles than muscle cars and a whole, lot, of, ice, cold, ass, whopping. Whooping? No. Hobbs and Shaw is a movie directed by David Leitch (Deadpool 2, John Wick) and written by Chris Morgan (like 90% of the FFCU) that stars FFCU alums Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham reprising their titular characters Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw. Vanessa Kirby (Jupiter Ascending? Oof, sorry Vanessa) gets thrown in for good measure.
Does this movie earn its place in America’s favorite fast-car based franchise? Let’s find out and put the muscle to the road. The street always wins. Vroom.
A late night talk show host wraps up his politically charged monologue of the days events. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks right into camera four. “Look, we don’t have a good show tonight.” The audience doesn’t know what to do and so they do nothing. “I know, I know,” the host continues, “normally, we prepare a good show and we perform the good show and we all go home happy. But tonight. Not a good show. Our guests canceled. The band has food poisoning. My sidekick has never, ever been funny. It’s just not a good show.” The audience slumps in their seats, a collective blob of disappointment and apathy. “What we do have for you tonight is the ZC Boys talking about the recent announcements at San Diego Comic Con and the larger implications those announcements bear on the average Marvel fan.” The audience slumps further in its seat. “What we do have is some slightly depressing news about the filming of Fast 9 and one stuntman by the name of Joe Watts.” The audience begins to spill out on the theater floor and congeal. “There is a silver lining, however,” the host says. The audience pauses its congealing. “Hobbs and Shaw comes out next week.”
An immediate eruption of applause breaks out as the audience splits back into many different individuals, all with their own thoughts and feelings, but all equally excited for the release of Hobbs and Shaw, in theaters August 2nd.
Kick! Pass! Slide! Goal! Ball! The Women’s World Cup is hotting up, and The Footy Boys are here to bring you all the latest news about the US Women’s National Soccer National Football Team Women’s. Will the Lionesses dent their ego, as some crusty goblins have suggested? They will not. Sorry. Since this episode could have easily devolved into another much-maligned Sports Corner, the Footish Men transition to conversations about the concept of “coming out” and question our nation’s preoccupation with otherizing queerness. Also they talk about Gremlins 2. This is the New America, and this is Zero Credit(s)!
It’s 2009. Every movie around us is dark, gritty, serious with heroes facing real problems and true conflict. Justin Lin is back to rework a movie franchise that didn’t know where it was going. His vision? Drop. The. “The”s. That’s right. The FFCU is back and it’s more streamlined than ever. Forget Sean Boswell, we’re going back to AMERICA this time around cause a whole lot of characters we haven’t seen in near a decade are coming back with a vengeance. Remember Brian O’Conner? How could you? But Dom’s back with his crew and it’s all fun in the sun until SOMEONE GETS MURDERED. We can’t reveal who because that’s kind of the driving force (ha) of the entire movie but odds are it isn’t Brian O’Conner, because WE FORGOT HE EXISTED. Are these random caps doing anything for you? No? Well BUCKLE UP, CHUCKLE HUTS, cause it’s to get FAST and FURIOUS up in this MOVIE HOUSE slash PODCAST.
Summon the Rawk Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License