We don’t reveal a lot of things on this show, but one thing becomes very clear in this week’s episode. Henry doesn’t know a thing. It’s true. He’s been talking all this time, all these years, and he doesn’t know a thing. Come find out what Henry doesn’t know, although the tags will probably spoil a little of it. Also we discuss the current political landscape, so that’s fun as well!
The year is 2020. The place, America. Newly elected President Bernie Sanders takes the podium in front of the newly renovated Black House. He’s all decked out in his black eye liner, black painted nails, and his executive studded leather choker around his neck. “America,” he says, “My fourth act as Goth President is upon you. Behold. Our new national anthem.” Release the Bats by The Birthday Party begins broadcasting nationwide on all channels. Right before the first chorus, Bernie speaks again, “And now, America, behold our new national bird.” Thousands of bats are released from holding cages hidden behind stage. They swarm through the crowd, confused and chattering. “Our flag,” Bernie says, holding up a perfect replica of the United States flag, only it’s completely black. “The America you knew is dead. This is the new America. This is how things are now. It’s not a phase.” The crowd goes wild.
Also, Fast and Furious: Spyracers episode six is discussed.
Spyracers gets okayish, we make a huge FFCU discovery, and then we make another huge FFCU discovery.
It’s all Fast and Furious all the time here at Zero Credit(s). You ride. You fight.
Four years, 200+ episodes over three shows, and 167 episodes of the main show. It’s been a journey. When John and I set out to create this podcast, we had but one goal in mind: to one day have over 50% of each episode dedicated solely to the Fast and Furious franchise of movies, television shows, and video games. We hadn’t even watched the films when we started four years ago, but somehow we knew this was going to be the goal. It was knowledge we didn’t understand filtered through the inky blackness of the cultural zeitgeist. Now here we are, with the third installment of our MiniSupRed of Fast and Furious: Spyracers and a live-listening of the trailer for F9: The Fast Saga serving as the bread of our content sandwich today. In the middle, a nice juicy look at where corporate America thinks the common interest lie through the BIG GAME commercials that the world watches with awe. This year, like many years before it, companies demonstrated a deft out-of-touch quality with an over saturation of celebrity gags and heartfelt, gaslighting messages about firefighters. But anyway, here we go.
From everyone here at the Zero Credit(s) podcast studios, John and I want to thank everyone for listening to this dumb podcast. We would absolutely probably be doing this without you, but it’s so much nicer with you hear. So thanks for listening and here’s to four more years of not knowing what the hell we’re talking about.
The long awaited conclusion to the ongoing and very serious Chili’s Saga arrives. Are you prepared for this thrilling end to the longest ongoing ZC saga ever put forth on this podcast? Probably. We also have the second edition of our Fast and Furious: Spyracers MiniSupRed for you with some even more long awaited news of the ninth installment of the time honored Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe. I’m going to keep this short.
The audio is a little off in this episode and we’re still investigating why. So if it sounds a little weird, that’s why. Hope it doesn’t ruin the experience too much.
*cough cough cough* Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. You see, my eyes are really bad right now due to the rampant and dangerous spread of the coronavirus. *cough cough cough* But don’t just stand there. Come in, come in. Make yourself comfortable and let me regale you with the tale of Fast and Furious: Spyracers on Netflix. You see, young Tony Toretto was standing on the same street where his cousin Dom set the street racing record in his fabled 10 Second Car from The Fast and the Furious… Oh, you’ve heard this one before? Well then, I’ll have to resort to a tale no one has ever heard before. You see, deep in an animation lab at Dreamworks Animation, a particularly dedicated animator worked day and night agonizing over the perfect way to animate Vin Diesel for an upcoming show based in the Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe. No matter what this animator tried, nothing seemed to be good enough. Much to their dismay, an executive had the bright idea to send Vin Diesel himself along to check the progress being made on what was sure to be a great show on Netflix streaming now. That’s when the animator hatched a scheme to vile, not even On Animation Studios (makers of Playmobil movie) would resort to it. You see, there exists in the animation world a forbidden technique passed on in whispers throughout the hollowed halls that Disney carved. A way to…capture…real life. In desperation, this animator turned to the dark secrets of the past and ensnared Vin Diesel in a trap, pulling him straight into the world of Fast and Furious: Spyracers on Netflix. The world may never see another Vin Diesel movie again… *cough cough cough* You want to know more? Well, good thing I have an episode of Zero Credit(s) here. I’m going to go lie down now and possibly die of the coronavirus now.
After a long two-week hiatus, the boys are stuffed like turkeys with that capital G, capital C Good Content. We’ve got your weekly Fast and Furious update, some promises to do a Best/Worst 2019 that may or may not happen, and a whole lot more before we inevitably dive into the supreme joke that is American politics. Joe Biden is making speeches again and boy does it just tickle John’s fancy. The moral of the story: Do Crimes. Just go out and Do some Crimes. Crimes are the future. Do them today*.
*In no way does Zero Credits endorse or support the Doing of Crimes from a legally actionable standpoint. Please do not sue us.
In this episode of Zero Credit(s), the boys discuss some of the new Texas laws, such as ikea laws and the new Texas Penal Code. They then discuss how these changes affect people in the Lone Star state.
Special guest Markov Elijah Wood (played by Talk to Transformer) spouts icky ideas about gender, the world and our lives. There is, of course, only one way to find what that answer is: check into a psych ward. Written by Anonymous.
John also told her about the day when she had to work the night shift, the day the fire department had to go in to rescue people and the smell, she told me. And I got that look on his face of, “Who are they going to see that for? You didn’t get a letter.”
It would be so easy, I wanted to tell her that she was a great girl, that everyone loved her, my mother in particular. But I was too close to her to let her know that she deserved that. “I don’t like to read them,” I said.
That got him laughing.
This description was written by Talk to Transformer. It’s all on iTunes! And here!
In late 2018, several men and women had a vision. What if characters from one movie could appear in their own movie, separate from the series of movies they’re from? I mean, is that possible? So these men and women gathered some scientists and filled them with nitro to develop the world’s first ever spin-off of that time honored, wholly American muscle series: Fast and Furious (Cinematic Universe). The result is a 2 hour plus octane-to-the-brain thrill ride filled with more muscles than muscle cars and a whole, lot, of, ice, cold, ass, whopping. Whooping? No. Hobbs and Shaw is a movie directed by David Leitch (Deadpool 2, John Wick) and written by Chris Morgan (like 90% of the FFCU) that stars FFCU alums Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham reprising their titular characters Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw. Vanessa Kirby (Jupiter Ascending? Oof, sorry Vanessa) gets thrown in for good measure.
Does this movie earn its place in America’s favorite fast-car based franchise? Let’s find out and put the muscle to the road. The street always wins. Vroom.
A late night talk show host wraps up his politically charged monologue of the days events. He lets out a heavy sigh and looks right into camera four. “Look, we don’t have a good show tonight.” The audience doesn’t know what to do and so they do nothing. “I know, I know,” the host continues, “normally, we prepare a good show and we perform the good show and we all go home happy. But tonight. Not a good show. Our guests canceled. The band has food poisoning. My sidekick has never, ever been funny. It’s just not a good show.” The audience slumps in their seats, a collective blob of disappointment and apathy. “What we do have for you tonight is the ZC Boys talking about the recent announcements at San Diego Comic Con and the larger implications those announcements bear on the average Marvel fan.” The audience slumps further in its seat. “What we do have is some slightly depressing news about the filming of Fast 9 and one stuntman by the name of Joe Watts.” The audience begins to spill out on the theater floor and congeal. “There is a silver lining, however,” the host says. The audience pauses its congealing. “Hobbs and Shaw comes out next week.”
An immediate eruption of applause breaks out as the audience splits back into many different individuals, all with their own thoughts and feelings, but all equally excited for the release of Hobbs and Shaw, in theaters August 2nd.