It’s Friday and you’re looking forward to the weekend. You have nothing planned, so you’re looking forward to just relaxing at home, maybe doing a little yardwork, but nothing serious when your phone pings. Your heart sinks as you read over the notification. It’s the government backed cultural department. You’ve been selected for this weekend’s mandatory viewing of the new Marvel movie to help stimulate the economy and prop up the failing movie industry. The requisite $25 ticket price has already been deducted from your account. You consider skipping out anyway. They already have their money, right? But you don’t want to have to deal with appearing in court to contest the noncompliance citation you’d incur. So you go to the movie. How bad could it be, right? Just a couple hours of mind-numbing entertainment starring people with all the free time in the world. You sit in the dark movie theatre, a bowl of government issued pop corn in front of you ($15 deducted automatically from your account) and watch as the title drops. Avengers: The Longest War: Part One flashes on screen along with the FCC mandated run time listed very tiny in the bottom right corner. Your heart sinks further as you read 1 Day, 23 hours, 30 minutes. Chris Pratt appears on the screen and laughs. You know it was probably in the script for him to laugh, but it feels as though he is laughing at you, you poor, poor fool.
In our third interim episode of Hot Godzilla Summer, the boys head back to the movies full of vaccine and dreams only to find out that movie theaters have become pockets of time from the before times. Trailers for movies thought long passed and gone play, triggering feelings from before the world went dark with fears of global pandemic. And apparently that’s going to just like continue as no “new” movies are coming out for at least a year, basically. Like they’re new movies to us, sure, but they were all announced and advertised with trailers and everything before the nation shut down. So it’s kinda like they aren’t new at all, you know?
Also, John gets really mad about some things toward the end of the episode that we said we weren’t going to talk about beforehand, but they just kinda came out any way. Whoops. Zero Credit(s)!
After a long two-week hiatus, the boys are stuffed like turkeys with that capital G, capital C Good Content. We’ve got your weekly Fast and Furious update, some promises to do a Best/Worst 2019 that may or may not happen, and a whole lot more before we inevitably dive into the supreme joke that is American politics. Joe Biden is making speeches again and boy does it just tickle John’s fancy. The moral of the story: Do Crimes. Just go out and Do some Crimes. Crimes are the future. Do them today*.
*In no way does Zero Credits endorse or support the Doing of Crimes from a legally actionable standpoint. Please do not sue us.
On a world covered in pavement, only one racer can be crowned the most coveted rank of all: Race War Rulerperson. Now, after countless decades of scheming, Dick Dastardly, infamous racer, exconvict, and inventor, has finally perfected his magnum opus: The Transporter. Using this device, he summons every car-based hero time, space, multi-verses, franchises failed and thriving alike to participate in the long, deadliest, wackiest race ever conceived by man/beast/nitro-infused god. The Fast and Familia, Hobbs and Shaw, Speed Racer, Mario Karts, Speed Buggy, REO Speed Wagon, Cars from Disney’s Cars, multiple Transformers, and Herbie Fully Loaded are among the crowds of racers. Not to mention the entirety of the Mad Max Fury Road and both Death Races. They’re all here, revving up those engines. One last time.
This time, it’s for keeps.
ULTIMATE WACKY DEATH RACES. IN THEATERS. SUMMER 2022.
Also, Hobbs and Shaw is out today. Go see it.
Well folks, 2018 is over. Yep. No more 2018 after you listen to this episode (EDITOR’S NOTE: IF YOU DON’T LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE, 2018 WILL NEVER END. YOU WILL FOREVER BE TRAPPED IN 2018 A LA GROUNDHOG’S DAY STARRING BILL MURRAY). Where does this year fall on the spectrum of Best/Worst? Find out by listening. That’s literally the only way. I don’t even know what it is.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS EPISODE IS OVER TWO HOURS LONG. GET A DRINK OR SOMETHING, CAUSE IT’LL BE A WHILE BEFORE YOU CAN STOP)
(editor to the editor’s note: the editor is unaware that podcast episodes can be paused. we have tried many times to instruct the editor, but alas our efforts have fallen short of their goals. please feel free to pause the episode as you see fit, as long as you promise to listen to the podcast episode in full.)
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year from everyone here at Zero Credit(s)!
EDITOR’S NOTE: INCLUDING ME!
editor to the editor’s note: yes, well, we did say from everyone.
Nouvelle Noel Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
Let’s end this year right, Dear Listeners, by rendering judgement unto all. There is no sanctuary from judgement. All shall feel the light of the side eye cast on them. The unjust and just dab alike on this day. Let us take a walk through this year’s 10 special categories that represent the year as a whole. What was the best movie? The worst moment of our collective cultural experience? The best and worst of what humanity has to offer is here, in this episode. Aliens, if you only listen to one podcast episode encapsulating the human experience this year, make it this one. It’s all here, and a little bit more, just for you, Dear Listener. If you hit play at 10:27 pm on New Year’s Eve, you’ll start the New Year knowing the final verdict of 2017 (and also you will have participated in 2017’s last official Meme(tm)). Goodbye 2017, and hello The Encompassing Void That Lives Within Us All.