From January 24, 2020 to March 20, 2020, Zero Credit(s) dedicated one segment per episode to the Netflix Original Series Fast and Furious: Spyracers. With the advent of a season two and three (?!) of the aforementioned show, Henry and John made the executive decision to never cover a show in this manner again, choosing instead to do one dedicated episode per season from here on out. That being said, it only made sense to collect all of the coverage of the first season in one episode. This decision was made before realizing that this would make said episode over three hours long… So buckle up and prepare to get Frosty, folks, this is a three hour super cut of Spyracers content that no one asked for, but is certainly a thing that exists now. Right here, on Zero Credit(s).
John has gone missing. He’s not sick or anything, so don’t worry. He’s just not here. So to fill the J-shaped void of John, Henry’s wife, and also her own person, Jamie steps up to the couch to discuss what’s currently happening in the Henry and Jamie household. Mostly, it’s watching TV. But what kinds of TV?! A new Star Wars movie directed and co-written by Taika Waititi? Well, no cause it’s not out yet. How about some riveting round-table discussions of the Mandalorian on Disney+? Not really, because round tables are dumb. Well then certainly the Disney singalong and Stephen Sondheim concert? Technically only Jamie watched that and she has a lot of thoughts on it. Well, then what did you watch, huh? You’ll have to listen to find out on this special quarantine edition of Zero Credit(s). (Middleditch & Schwartz)
I’m going to level with you: it’s very hard to write a fun description for this episode without spoiling things. The spoilers live inside the episode, not outside. You know? So just sit back, grab a Jamba Juice and some Sbarro, collapse into a pile of goo, reach the stars, fly a fantasy, dream a dream, and what you see will beeeEeeEEee the answer to our Supplemental Reeeaaa-diiing aaaa-aa-a-a-aa-aaaa.
Stranger Think by C418
(remix by ND 8D Studios)
INT. SILICON VALLEY GYM
Jeff Bezos is deadlifting, like, 1,000 kilograms. He pauses at the top of the movement, tension and power radiating through his tight nerd body. Overhead, the gym’s Toshiba flatscreen TVs show footage of empty subways. Close-up on graffiti that reads: “DOWN WITH THE TRANSHUMAN DATA CLOUD -BANKSY”
BEZOS (grunting tautly) The words of the prophets were truly written on the subway walls. Bezos slams the bar down, just as his faithful servant Hecubus enters holding a phone on a plate or whatever.
HECUBUS Master, it’s for you. Bezos picks up the phone. The caller is indistinct.
BEZOS So you’re saying I’ve been invited to a martial arts tournament to decide the fate of humanity? So you’re saying it’s going to be my only chance to meet the man behind all this and show him the power of my human muscles? So you’re saying his name is Mark Zuckerberg, my enemy of a long time? Well I’ve got one thing to say to that, Mark. The rolling garage door thing behind Bezos opens, bathing his slick and bulging body with the glorious rays of a Silicon Valley sunrise. Outside, a Kawasaki Ninja (which the audience is meant to assume belongs to Bezos) is loudly idling, its masterfully designed mechanical frame mirroring the trapped ferocity of Bezos’ own sculpted leanness.
BEZOS Let the games begin