Heading into this week’s episode, we had no content and things looked bleak when a shining statue descending from the heavens and nominated a bunch of actors, directors, writers, production people, etc., for awards. So I guess let’s talk about that forever. It’s the annual Emmy nominations episode right here, on Zero Credit(s).
Look, it can no longer be denied. Zack Snyder is going to save cinema with his cut of Justice League. We all thought it was going to be Christopher Nolan’s Tenet, but that film was a false prophet that dragged cinema down into the dirt. Only Zack Snyder can pull off the movie event of the decade, neigh, the century to singlehandedly save the movie going experience. But no story is complete without a villain, an antagonist to stand in the way of our intrepid hero. Enter Disney, a media conglomerate that owns more properties than a Monopoly board. Disney is raising an army of quality content slated to come out in the next year to three years. Can the Snyder Cut stand up in the face of so much evil? Only time will tell, dear friends. Only time will tell.
I know, right? It’s kind of outrageous. John hates Baby Yoda. It’s kind of disgusting. I can’t believe it either. Anyway, this episode of Zero Credit(s) is 50% crazy holiday time traditions and 50% just the latest episode of the Mandalorian. That’s about it, really.
Years ago, I was sitting in a Portland Cafe around 2 pm on Wednesday. I believe the cafe’s name was Brown Time. Local joint, good atmosphere. I was sitting there, sipping on a cup of warm Brown™, when comedian Bill Burr pulled up a chair and sat next to me. He looked me dead in my eyes and he whispers, “Listen here, buddy. This is a stick-up. I am robbing you here in this Brown Time in Portland, Oregon on a Wednesday at 2 pm. Here’s the thing though, palie. I don’t want your money. I don’t want your wallet. Keep it in your pocket, champ.” He looked around, to see if anyone had caught on to his plans, but everyone had their heads buried in their laptops and books. “No, I want something far more valuable, chum. I need your time. Give me your time. I need it. I only have so much time. And I spend more than half of it on stage. Telling jokes. I tell jokes on a stage and make people laugh, but there’s so much more I need to do. So I need your time.” Bill Burr took out a small handgun. He leveled it my chest. “This is a gun, buddy. And it shoots bullets.” He chocked the gun, because it was one of those guns with like the manual hammer thing that they use in movies. “I need your time, pall-o mall-o. I have some projects I want to be in. Star Wars. I’m going to be in Star Wars and no one can stop me but time. Cause I need to be on the road. I need the jokes. I need those jokes to live, skinbag. But Star Wars is so much more. I grew up on that sweet, sweet space opera. It could make my year, jerkboy. So here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to give me a month. That’s all I need. Just give me a month right here on the table. Just lay a month on the table and you can go. Just one month. It’s all I need. All I need is a month. One month.”
He squinted his eye and looked down the barrel of his small handgun.
So I did what anyone would do. I put one of my months on the table. It was a February I’d been saving for a special occasion. I don’t want to call Mr. Burr out, but he did steal a month of my time from me. And I’ll never get it back.
It’s Zero Credit(s)!
In the original cut of this episode, Henry and John discussed the new streaming service Disney+ and some issues surrounding the service that elevated to mainstream media, like Werner Herzog’s performance in The Mandalorian. Then, when it was time for the episode to come to home video via VHS, the editor decided to cut it so that Henry and John discussed Werner Herzog’s interview in Variety and take a deep dive into the corner of the Zeitgiest that is Werner Herzog’s interviews at large. This upset the fams who grew up with the original version of the episode, but neither Henry nor John acknowledges that it ever existed. Decades passed, the episode fell into the library of content owned by the megacorporation GE who owns several podcast collections they call the Podterion Collection. A new streaming service releases including all of the Podterion Collection, but rather than just upload the current version of this episode, GE decides to allow the editor to edit the episode another time. This time, Henry and John seem to discuss the new policy of one YouTube, who now holds the right to terminate channels they deem “non-commercially viable.” So I guess that’s the version of the episode that exists now. It’s Zero Credit(s)!